In much vampire lore, the creatures of the night cannot enter a home uninvited. There is something about a home that protects us from them. It turns out there's some truth behind the mythology.
Modern fantasy writers have explored and expanded this part of the vampire myth, calling it a "threshold". A family's four walls mark the boundary of a mystical protection that begins at their door and keeps all kinds of supernatural nasties out. As writers have played with the idea, it seemed natural to suppose that a family would have a stronger threshold than a single person or a couple and that a healthy family with a deep, strong loving relationship would have the strongest threshold of all.
That's fantasy, fiction. Here in the real world, though, well ... there's still some truth to that.
A healthy, loving family can provide a harbor in the storms of life. The storms can rage, but if our children have a safe place to ride them out, they'll come through them less shaken, less damaged than if they didn't have that refuge.
A loving family can reduce the power of many of the temptations that trouble our youth. Crime, drugs, and sexual promiscuity are all less likely in kids who come from healthy homes.
This can affect the religious sphere as well. Apologist Sean McDowell has shared the story of the period of doubt and, we'd say now, deconstruction that he went through in college. He'd say that the truth is the truth, and he's a Christian today because he's convinced it's true. But he's also said he was open to that truth because of how his parents reacted to his doubt -- with patience, understanding, and an affirmation of unwavering love. And he's shared that his father eventually told him that he didn't really doubt Sean would come back to the faith because they had a good relationship. That makes total sense. If I love and respect my parents, and my parents believe something, it adds credibility to that thing.
None of this is a promise that our kids won't struggle with hard times, do bad things, or even walk away from the Christian faith. But their odds are better when they are part of a healthy, loving family.
That "healthy" is the tricky part.
There are a lot of damaged people out there because there are a lot of damaged families out there. Addiction expert Terence Gorski wrote that more than 70% of American families can be considered dysfunctional. Now there are a lot of kinds of dysfunction, but could it really be that 3 in 4 of our families are messed up? Yes, I think it is.
And it's not just "them." How many Christian families do you know where at least one parent is a mess, maybe even a nightmare? How many children of Christian families do you know who would just rather not be at home? Unhealthy families don't provide the protection of a healthy family.
So how strong is the "threshold" in your home? We should all take a critical look at our families, maybe even talk to our children, and then address what we can. Don't let yourself off easy; ask hard questions. And if necessary, seek outside help. Because dysfunctional kids tend to become dysfunctional parents who pass on their damage instead of creating a safe haven for their children. Or, as the saying goes, "Wounded people wound people."
For the sake of our children and our eventual grandchildren, we need to ask hard questions and then act on what we find. Through the grace of God, sometimes the children of dysfunctional parents can still become good parents. But it's so much easier on them if they don't have to climb over our errors to do so.
What if the damage is already done? What if your kids are already grown? There is a lot of power in the words "I'm sorry." Once people recognize their errors and take responsibility for them, the door is open for reconciliation.
More than 70% of families. That's wild. That's terrifying. Let's make sure we aren't among that number. For the sake of those little faces you love more than your own life.
Image via Unsplash
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