Overall, about four in 10 (39 percent) Americans say divorce is a sin when one partner has committed adultery. A similar number says divorce is a sin, even in cases of abuse (37 percent) or abandonment (38 percent).
By contrast, about a third (32 percent) of Protestant pastors say divorce is a sin in cases of adultery. That drops to about a quarter for divorces in cases of abuse (28 percent) or abandonment (27 percent).
Many are surprised to hear that some think divorce in the case of abuse is a sin. I'm surprised that some think divorce in the case of adultery is a sin. Alright, so when is it a sin?
So what are the foundational texts on divorce? Let's start with Jesus:
"I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (Matt 5:31-33, emphasis added).
"I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery" (Matt 19:1-11, emphasis added).
In both cases, he seems to say that the sin — adultery — comes from remarriage.
The other NT passage on divorce is from Paul:
"A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife" (1Cor 7:10-16, emphasis added).
Again there is this idea that remarriage is the problem.
So when is divorce a sin? I don't think it is. Remarriage is a sin unless the divorce was caused by adultery.
What about abuse? Get out of there! You don't have to keep living with that person. But that doesn't mean you can remarry. And there's the rub.
Our society is so hedonistic it can't conceive of a life of celibacy. Even in the church, people just assume divorce means remarriage. But people do it. Some people live their whole lives without ever having sex. Some are widowed at a relatively young age and never remarry. And people can live celibate lives after separating from a bad spouse.
Do we want to do that? Of course not. But righteousness has to come before pleasure. The Lord has called us to live above the level of normal people. We bless those who curse us, give 'til it hurts, and forgive as we have been forgiven. Sometimes we have to choose celibacy to honor our God.
So does this mean divorce is always OK as long as you're willing to stay single from then on? No.
"'The man who hates and divorces his wife,' says the LORD, the God of Israel, 'does violence to the one he should protect,' says the LORD Almighty" (Mal 2:16).
God doesn't like divorce. Jesus made it clear: "What God has joined together, let no one separate" (Matt 19:6). This is not something that should be done lightly.
This isn't for people who aren't getting along. This isn't for people who have "fallen out of love." Divorce should not happen because of "irreconcilable differences." But when it does happen, it's not the end of the world. If you're willing to pay the price.
7 comments:
I don't know why you deleted your comment. Feel free to put it back. Or I can (it's still in my email) if you like.
I think you are spot on with your interpretation of what the Bible says, but just because it says so in the bible dosen't make it particularly good advice. Let's cherich the wisdom of the sages who wrote the bible but not delude ourselves into thinking that every bit of advice they offer applies in the modern world!
Sometimes young couple are pressuered to marry. Sometimes people get it wrong first time. For whatever reason it doesn't work out. People make foolish decisions.
If we were to apply this principle as if it were law then we'd be condemning people who'd like to find a new relationship and solemnize it in a culturally acceptable way.
Sure I guess making marrige final and immutable might discourage frivolous marraige but who are we kidding? We are frivolous creatures! Society at large is barely scandalised by the thought of divorce and remarriage. We have had presidential candidates who divorced and remarried. There are famous televangelists who've divorced and remarried.
Most christians seem to have come to agree with the secular world that this bit of advice is just not relevant anymore.
I expect that Christians will soon feel the same way about homosexuality and homosexual marriage - pastors and churches will realize that it's no longer practical to exclude people based on who they love and who they want to make their life committments to.
Christians will become very adept at rationalizing why they no longer apply that bit of "God's law" - probably something about Christ's love trumping everything!
D
Yes, by all means, let's encourage people to treat marriage frivolously. It's not like any real harms comes from it, right? Good grief.
Feel free to treat this as one of those "Oh, those wacky Christians" things, because that's what it is. "Christians" may not think it's a big deal, but Christians do. The mythical 50% divorce rate among "Christians" goes away if they control for one variable -- regular church attendance.
I predict that "Christmas and Easter Christians" will go away over the next generation. People will act like they believe or they won't even bother to pretend anymore.
Yes, by all means, let's encourage people to treat marriage frivolously. It's not like any real harms comes from it, right? Good grief.
I'm not saying that we should encourage people to be frivolous - people are frivolous anyway! Like I just mentioned - divorce and remarriage is not just something for secular folk - televangelists and presidential candidates do it too!
I predict that "Christmas and Easter Christians" will go away over the next generation. People will act like they believe or they won't even bother to pretend anymore.
Culturally religious (but not devout) people have existed for as long as religion has existed. Certainly religiousity seems to be on decline in much of the western / English-speaking world but I think there will always be people who enjoy the ceremonies, trappings and respectability of religion. That's why so many people want to get married in churches even if they don't actually attend church regularly. It still has an emotional connection to lots of folk.
I don't see that changing all that much, unless the churches do a great deal more to ensure that they are even further out of step with mainstream society. For example continuing to fight against gay rights would be one way of doing this!
"Respectability" is a key term. For many, many years, in Western society it was necessary to be seen as Christian to be seen as respectable. That's no longer the case in most of Europe and more and more regions of the US. And, yes, it's partly because Christianity has the unmitigated gall to suggest there are rules one must live by.
"Respectability" is a key term. For many, many years, in Western society it was necessary to be seen as Christian to be seen as respectable
Well it's good that we live in a more pluralistic society - one that is less inclined to judge a man by which congregation he does (or dosen't) belong to.
We no longer live in an era when law takes it's inspiration from what some sacred text says. Why would we expect guidance intended for arranged-marriages in tribal and agrarian 1st century cultures apply to modern relationships.
And, yes, it's partly because Christianity has the unmitigated gall to suggest there are rules one must live by.
I'm not sure if this is what "Christianity" says, only some christians who feel that their faith gives them a right or an obligation to impose their beliefs on others. I think that sort of thing is indeed quite galling - the fact that you personally wish to live your own life according to a moral code of your own choosing is not galling at all.
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