Thursday, July 19, 2012

How to Have a Lasting Marriage

Don't get divorced.

We recently celebrated our twelfth anniversary. It's sad that it's almost a big deal these days.

Why is that getting so rare when forty-year marriages were the norm not even a hundred years ago? What changed? It wasn't men. It wasn't women. We don't get along any worse than we did then. We haven't invented new problems for marriages, even if we have put our particular spin on them.

I think our attitude toward marriage changed. People get divorced more because divorce became an option.

Oh, we've always had divorce, but in the past it was a shameful thing. Everyone assumed (or knew) at least one of the broken couple had been sleeping around.

But now it's ok. You "don't have anything in common" anymore? Get a divorce. "Irreconcilable differences?" Get a divorce. Unhappy? Bored? Leave.

Our ancestors' marriages lasted because of a commitment to one particular philosophy: 'Til death do us part.

If divorce is off the table, you have to fix things. 'Til death do us part means when you have money problems, you soldier on through, together. It means when you seem to be growing apart, you do something about it. It means if your husband snores too loud, you get a new bedroom — in the same house.

These days we have so many more options than we have ever had before. We have second honeymoons, marriage counseling, and Dave Ramsey. If divorce is not an option, we'll be committed to making our marriages work and do whatever it takes.

This isn't a magic pill. It won't make all our problems go away. But it will make us face our problems and work on them together — or else the next thirty years are going to be mighty uncomfortable.


Destroyer14 said...

An excellent post I think everyone should read.

McGeek's SF kitchen said...

My husband and I are only 26, and we just celebrated our 5th anniversary. I don't know if it is because we are in the military. I am very saddened by the fact that pretty much EVERY couple we meet are all willing to walk away rather than fix what ever the problem is coming between them. I find it pathetic that people seem almost impressed that my husband and I have been together for 5 years and are not in the process of splitting.

I can only hope that we instill in our daughters the importance of the vows we made to each other and honor their words.

~Until death do us part~

Instead of walking away because its too hard, try fighting for it! <3

ChrisB said...

Thanks, Destroyer.

Ms "McGeek," I wish y'all luck, and we'll be trying to teach our girls the same thing.